blue & bruised
time won't stop moving and somehow it's december
i made a secret goal in my head to publish one post a month when i started this newsletter at the beginning of the year. i didn’t get one up in march, and now november has flown by without me publishing anything either.
my mental health has been in a rough spot. i wrote in my previous newsletter about recent details and routines that have kept me going and provided me with a sense of meaning. i have spent the last several weeks trapped in a cycle of throwing myself into these meaningful things and feeling sad when they fall short of my expectations. as a result, i am dealing with the aftermath of over-extending myself: i am exhausted. silly me for thinking that will fix everything.
(i’m now worrying about how i’m coming across in my writing… worrying that i sound annoying and overly desperate to find meaning in my life. but also… maybe there will be someone reading this who relates to what i’m sharing? maybe something positive can come from me being open about hard things? i don’t know.)
i’m just so tired of everything taking so much energy and being so exhausting. i wish there was a magic wand i could wave to make my existence suddenly feel meaningful.
i’ve come to realize that what healing looks like is continuing to participate in my life despite sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion.
creative updates
i created this newsletter to share creative updates and i feel bad for not having many of them right now. my brain has felt blue and bruised and an ongoing search for meaning has felt more challenging in the last several weeks. i have not had as much of a creative output as i would’ve hoped for.
i do have a few small updates to share, though. i’m trying to talk myself out of feeling silly for having so little to report. i’m trying to remember that my lack of productivity does not make me any less of an artist.
i submitted a collage and a couple photography prints to dakota art store’s annual 6x6 inch community art show and fundraiser, which ran from november 7th-29th. my collage ended up selling with all proceeds being donated towards a local arts organization <3
my collage for dakota art store’s exhibition (maybe in another universe, october 2025). i’ve been photographing more shows and events recently :-)
a collection of my event photography from november 2025 a collage of mine got published this month by pile press, an indie press based in portland, oregon that features the work of women + non-binary creatives! you can purchase a copy of issue 11 here to see my collage, as well as a brilliant poem by my best friend, hazel, who also submitted their work!
my collage for pile press issue 11 (is anyone out there? june 2025)
other things on my mind at the moment
i’m turning 25 later this month and trying to figure out how to make that day feel meaningful. birthdays have historically felt hard for me; i’ve found it uncomfortable to celebrate being alive while struggling with wanting to be.
i’ve been working through the non-fiction book complaint! by sarah ahmed since october of 2023. i went through a formal complaint process in the years 2022-2023 at my former university and this book has felt affirming, painful, and angering that so many others have also lived through a version of this process. it’s taken me a long time to read this book. in all honesty, i put it on pause over a year ago because sitting with the discomfort of the emotions that surface is something i’ve been avoiding. i picked the book up again last month and am grateful to have it as part of my life again. ahmed’s words have given me new language to express my experience.
i’ll leave this journal entry by sharing a few songs on repeat right now:
to each their dot - haley heynderickx, max garcía conover
the hand - annabelle dinda
slam dunk - frail talk
heavy foot - mon rovîa
thank you for reading <3 i feel like i say this every time, but it genuinely means so much to me that people are regularly interested in knowing how i’m doing and what i’m up to.
take care everyone,
- jada